Reckless, restless
these four walls that have consumed me, throughout
the threads of my own chaotic wreckages, i've been bound to
my whole life, it's like being whelved inside the creases of the ocean bed
stuck between the high waves and the collosal emptiness
the disheveled psyche of a maniac no less different than the rest
always trying to dissolve inside the cracks of a broken mirror
forged by the dysphoric swevens running wildly across
across my head, that's like a maze up there.
she had grown distant from the very world she was born into
i look at the sky, which rarely ever gives me a glimpse of the stars.
a different place, a different sky, a different me perhaps. but the same gnawing question that's rooted within my insides.
what feels like home?
being trapped in all kinds of places, stuck with the same kind of thoughts
the canvas i keep painting for myself - devoid of any color
devoid of any "spark"
keep counting houses, but none of them ever felt like home
and the same question that creeps in yet again,
what feels like home?
the deliberate smile, once in a while
the occasional hello, to strangers who walk by
the want, the need to just.. be
to just be nice, for just a while
not to yourself but to the mundane world
that surrounds you
the trivial uncertainties floating around
the rhapsodic waves that never drown you
the infinite space between "them" and you
between "her" and you
between "him" and you
the monotonous words that run wildly
across the maze u̷p̷ ̷i̷n̷ ̷y̷o̷u̷r̷ ̷h̷e̷a̷d̷
that make absolutely no sense j̷u̷s̷t̷ ̷t̷a̷k̷e̷ ̷u̷p̷ ̷s̷p̷a̷c̷e̷
what feels like home?
nothing, maybe?
nobody, perhaps?
c̷e̷r̷t̷a̷i̷n̷l̷y̷ ̷n̷o̷t̷ ̷s̷o̷m̷e̷ ̷p̷l̷a̷c̷e̷
you're stuck in a delusional universe
you think is surrounded by stars but there's no one around
to pull you out of your black hole
it's like you're blindfolded
a̷n̷d̷ ̷y̷o̷u̷ ̷l̷i̷k̷e̷ ̷i̷t̷ ̷t̷h̷a̷t̷ ̷w̷a̷y̷ ̷o̷r̷ ̷s̷o̷ ̷i̷t̷ ̷s̷e̷e̷m̷s̷
the cracks in your hands
the disheveled wreckage in your brain
the paradigm of "the edge of seventeen"
and your despicable attempts to be unseen.
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